However, the naff weather didn’t stop the annual Shrewsbury International Cartoon Festival happening, 19^th – 22^nd April. Caricaturing, HUGE cartoons, great exhibitions, a giant, LIVE 30 foot cartoon strip and music, music, music all went down a treat with intrigued shoppers and cartoon buffs alike.

Some shoppers took “intrigued” to another level……….Whilst inking my 8foot by 5foot board, a couple lurked behind me. He said, “Its quite good, that” She said, “But you probably get all your ideas off the internet, don’t you ?” You’ve got to make a decision at this point. Do you enter into an explanation about where ideas come from, or do you smile and grit your teeth. I choose the latter. And it can happen repeatedly. I always carry spare teeth.

Later, whilst drawing quick cartoons in the market, I heard a male voice shout, “Irene ! They’re over here !” Viewers had been a bit thin on the ground, so this was encouraging. Then I heard the same male voice, but louder this time. “IRENE! THE TOILETS ! THEY’RE OVER HERE !” They pushed past, oblivious to the efforts of scribbling cartoonists. Maybe later, rude Mr Smallbladder wondered about the black felt-tip pen stroke on the back of his mac.

Meanwhile, back in the real world – the one Mr Cameron says we’re all in together – its getting harder and harder to find new cartooning jobs. But the only way in cartooning is to keep on keeping on – send, send, send – whether its to known cartoon users like Private Eye [No luck there for ages. I don’t think Mr. Hislop likes me] or Centipede Fanciers’ Gazette – eventually somebody will bite.

Whether Messrs Murdoch will get bitten remains to be seen, and there’s bound to be lots more corporate ducking and weaving at the Levinson Leveson enquiry before its over.

I also notice quite a few more references in the media to the country being run by posh boys who don’t understand Real Life.

This is encouraging because [a] its true and [b] even though it’s a long time before the next Election, we might get rid of them. Oh joy !

In Cartoonland – a strange place inhabited by odd men and women who spend much of the day in isolation trying to be funny – its nearly time for Shrewsbury International Cartoon Festival. Held [cunningly] in Shrewsbury, it runs from April 19^th until April 22^nd, with the busiest day being Saturday 21^st. There are lots of exhibitions, workshops run by experts ,practical advice for the aspiring cartoonists, from people who earn their livings cartooning and in the Market Square, 20 or so cartoonists working live on huge 8foot by 6foot cartoons. The theme this year is FLIGHT, so you can expect some very funny and unusual takes on that word from some of the UK’s best known and most-published cartoonists.

Quite apart from being a great day out, it shows how cartoonists work; how their ideas get from head to magazine or newspaper and how very different styles are. And working alongside will be a select band of caricaturists, all of whom will draw you for free. One or two might explain the difference between a caricature and a cartoon, too. Saturday afternoon finishes between 3pm and 4pm with the live drawing of a 30ft flying based comic strip. No pre-drawn pencil lines here, folks, oh dear me, no – just huge great black felt tips wielded by three old hands [that’s THREE people, not one remarkable one], a thrilling storyline narrated by Wing Commander Penwill W.C. and Flush and stirring musical accompaniment courtesy of Flying Officer Isaacs. If you’ve never heard The Dam Busters’ March played on an accordion, the Old Market Square, Shrewsbury’s the place to be, around 3pm., Saturday 21^st April.

Inevitably, the Gag of the Month’s flight related, and apologies to those who don’t know a Hurricane from a Tornado and wonder why a certain slice of the population blather on about “the war”. There are still a lot of us about……………………….

And then there’s the “London will not compete in the Who’s Done the Best Opening Ceremony” contest. Good, I thought. Save a bit of dosh. But no. Dave’s insisted we have one. He’s pushing street parties, hoping against hope there are no Royal demises in the next few months. Mind you, in terms of diversion, that would serve Dave’s purpose just as well. Dave’s government puts huge effort into designing things to divert Joe and Josephine Public’s gaze from him and his buddies dismantling the National Health Service.

Anyway, enough of all that. As you’ll see from the Gag[s] of the Month, it’ll soon be Shrewsbury International Cartoon Festival time. It runs from Thursday 19^th of April to Sunday 22^nd of April, involves most of the town in one way or another, centres around the Market Square with huge 8 foot by 6 foot LIVE cartoons, caricaturists, workshops, music and a general sense of Whoopee. AND there are four cartoon exhibitions as well. All participants are professionals, travelling from all over the UK and parts of France to be silly in Shrewsbury.

Q What should I do if I know that whilst my family and I are partaking of delicious ten course meal and fine wines, the poor of the town are in my garden, gnawing trees ?
A Close the curtains. Or better still, get a servant to do it. This will allow charades to continue uninterrupted and invest the lackey with a much- needed sense of job security
Q The media tells me that many of the people classified as poor are also very fat. How can this be?
A An interesting anomaly, and Dr J.C. Whimbrel, head of the P.M.S.B.T.I.I. [Please Make it Sound Better Than It Is] group, commissioned recently by Our Leader’s phenomenally successful Happiness Campaign, pulls no punches here. “Either these poor, fat wobblies’ families chose the wrong side at Bosworth, or they’re actually eating each other. “
Q I cannot help feeling guilty that I have so much whilst others have so little. I am undecided as to whether I should get Dilworth to drive me around the local Council Estate so that I might distribute small bags of cash – say £1000 each – to the poor and needy.
A This is an understandable and laudable sentiment, but you must be careful about giving things, especially money, to poor people. Many will only spend it, then come back for more. Registration number checks are easy to do, and many of the poor have squandered what little money they once had on computers. If your mind is made up, hire a vehicle and adopt a disguise. But by far the best way of salving your conscience would be to have your kitchen staff boil up the week’s food scraps, making a nourishing broth which, placed in a stout polythene[a type of plastic] bag and tossed from the hired vehicle into the shamefully neglected front gardens of the Council Estate homes should do the trick .
Q Am I alone in thinking that this whole “poor” people issue is a myth manufactured by those lying Socialists? At least twice in the last four years I have had occasion to be driven through my local town, due to roadworks on the bypass, or on one occasion a traffic accident caused by the children of the [alleged] poor rushing out of their [free] school into the path of an expensive articulated tanker without looking. I am an observant person. Not once have I seen anyone without shoes. Not once did I see starved corpses.
A Research suggests that you may well be right. Clear definitions of what “poor” is are difficult to come by. Starving to death, having no money, or succumbing to hypothermia are often put forward as pointers here, but Captain Scott perished in extreme cold, and he wasn’t short of a bob or two. And he had lots of corned beef.

We hope that this shortened version of our Q+A paper has served to allay your fears. In conclusion, and recalling the wise words of Vlad the Impaler, “Being rich is what happiness is all about. If we didn’t have poor people to compare ourselves to, how could we be happy?”

Some stuff has changed though. Personal communication options multiply. Amazing electronic pathways which allow Joe and Jo Public to tweet mind – numbing banalities abound. Mobiles take photos, have satnav, and apps which can tell us the rate at which elephants’ teeth grow. News coverage is wall-to-wall and the collapse of various middle eastern states and the emergence of revolutions wouldn’t have happened [we’re assured. Possibly by Nokia] without the ubiquitous mobile. How did the French manage in 1789 ?

Mostly though, stuff happens as its always happened.

The rich get richer and the rest of us try not to get poor. And the poor ? Well they get told, over and over, that we’re all in this together. Who tells them ? The rich, aka D Cameron, N.Clegg and smarmy G Smugborne, that’s who.

Fear not ! The repeated body blows of austerity will soon be softened. Our hearts will swell with national pride, for The Olympics cometh ! Ages ago, a little wiry chap called Coe told us that the UK wasn’t in the business of competing with China et al in the Posh Opening Ceremony Stakes, and I for one thought that commendable. Not so now. Only last week , Dave [M.P. P.M.] reversed that decision and now the opening of London 2012 will blow worldwide socks off. At enormous cost.

Why ? Well its all to do with unpopular governments needing deflectors. Mrs Thatcher had the Falklands. Dave’s had Libya. But nasty little conflicts don’t last long in the public consciousness. And Dave’s got the Olympics up his sleeve. A wonderful diversion. Weeks and weeks of athletic Strictly Come Running ,Jumping and Splashing About.

And afterwards, when the speedy types have all gone home and we’ve come third in Small Bore shooting, what happens to all the spiffy new buildings ? The Olympic Village ? Will that be turned over to the needy, the homeless ? Don’t be silly, of course it won’t. That simply wouldn’t make economic sense, because economic sense dictates that all the rich bods who’ve put money into the Olympics need to make a profit out of them, continue to be rich and, ergo, continue to order the lives of everybody else. Me ? I’m just sorry we never got jet packs.

Happy New Year !